Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
