Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
