I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
