Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
