The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
