I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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