yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
