Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize