wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
