lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
