Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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