How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
