we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
