Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
