I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
