:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
