It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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