u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize