I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
