I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
