I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
