you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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