He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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