So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
