Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
