on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
