You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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