i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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