thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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