he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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