i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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