i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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