We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
