I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize