i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
