It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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