What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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