Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
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