Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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