More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
