I cut my penus on the lid.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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