Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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