Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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