I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
