So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
