just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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