This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I deserve this hangover.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
