Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
