i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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