it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
