Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
