Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
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