I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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