Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
