Dual....:-)
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
