Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
