He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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