There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
