Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
