I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
