fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
