I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
third nipple confirmed
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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