Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
my poor anus
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize