I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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