If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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