I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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