I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
