How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
