my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
