so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
