If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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