and you said cock pushups were impossible
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
