the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
