he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The best revenge is premature balding
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
