Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
