Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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