it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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