The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
