Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
