saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
