I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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