i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
