after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The adults are the big ones right?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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