Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
