READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
