If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
