I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
