she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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