Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize