i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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