I look better un-naked...
pop tarts are not kleenex
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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