Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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