Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
