Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
