Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
