he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
