I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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