You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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