I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
