soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize