Your dad touched me again.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
