You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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