Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Life is so much better after having sex.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
